The Open Are Actually Closed

When I read Infinite Jest over the summer, David Foster Wallace in his labyrinthine end-notes diagnoses one of his own characters, who initially appears to be the most open lover in the world, is actually the most closed. I knew exactly what Wallace meant when I read that.

About a year ago, I borrowed a friend's car while my own was in the shop. I forgot to top off the tank (as I normally do) when I returned it to her. She had 3 options: 1) Politely ask me to sport her a few bucks, which I would have gladly done, with my apologies; 2) Let it go; or 3) complain about it to her mother through texts. And then accidentally send one of those texts to me. Specifically the one comparing me unflatteringly to my autistic brother.

Guess which one she chose.

She came over and apologized profusely the following day. I was angry, but we made up, and it's water under the bridge now, so I won't bother naming who it was. And in fact, my purpose here is not to dredge up petty old grievances, but as a round-about introduction to a larger theory I've developed:

The most socially open people we know are actually the most closed.

For this girl is in fact one of the most most friendly, sociable, positive and gregarious individuals I know, sharing numerous personal anecdotes in conversations. One could be forgiven for thinking that she was actually open with all aspects of her personality.

After the aforementioned incident, I reflected that part of why her text stung is that I'd always assumed better of her, seeing as how friendly she always is, which I realized was rather naive of me. Of course she has a hidden mean streak she doesn't let show through--we all do.

She is not my only data point. I've known a number of similarly gregarious, positive people, and each one I've gotten know to any depth has at some point betrayed some darker side in contrast to their own sunny personality. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not accusing any of these people of being "fake" or "hypocritical" or anything adolescent as that; no, we each of us hide our most vulnerable selves, and perhaps the most morose people we know are actually just the least successful at hiding them. Perhaps the socially awkward are so simply because their defense mechanisms are too obvious.

I've gotten to the point where I just assume now that the open, the gregarious, the positive and sociable, are just practicing a sleight of hand, distracting us all from their other selves. I don't hold it against them--I'm as guilty as any.