My Windows 8 Rant

My laptop went belly-up last week, and so I got a nice new one at a steep discount yesterday.   "I can give you this discount," said the Office Max sales rep, "Cause it's pre-owned; the guy who bought it returned it after only 2 days, claiming he found Windows 8 too confusing." Pshaw! I thought, Ridiculous old Luddite fossil scared of new technology!  His inflexibility is my gain.

Within a couple hours, my thoughts towards the prior owner were much more charitable.  Windows 8 is insane, combining the worst elements of Apple and tablets into an OS that never needed either.

Why, Microsoft, why?  You have over 70% market share, why fix what ain't broke?  Why did you have to ruin your OS, your money-maker, your most reliable workhorse, your golden-goose?  Why would you even want to make a laptop OS behave like a friggin' tablet, anyways?  What is even the reasoning behind that?!  If I'd wanted a tablet then I would've bought a tablet.  If I'd wanted an Apple then I would've sold a kidney and bought an Apple.  But I don't need a tablet or a Mac, Microsoft, no, right now I need a useful computer!  And Windows 8 is getting in the way of that.

I had even come around to you Microsoft!  I still remember the "Evil Empire" days of the '90s; but then Apple became the sad triumph of marketing and style over functionality; then Bill Gates released that swarm of mosquitoes into a room full of wealthy donors to prove the plight of the Malaria-ravaged in Africa (if I was a billionaire, that's totally the sort of stunt I would pull too, I loved it!).  No, Microsoft wasn't the Evil Empire; it was the totally misunderstood Sydney-Carton-type, the one was the real hero all along.

But then you had to blow that goodwill with Windows 8.  Please tell me this was just a lapse in judgment Microsoft, some misbegotten attempt to fit in with "the cool kids" at Apple, instead of remembering that you already rule the world.

Now to be clear, I'm already navigating Windows 8 far more successfully than the prior owner.  I'm getting used to it.  But Microsoft, you can get used to Malaria and disease and death too; "getting used to it" hardly recommends Windows 8.  Stop it.