Happy Government Shutdown, Ya Filthy Animal!

(As a cathartic exercise, David and I hosted yet another insane, comically-escalating facebook thread, this time concerning the recent and unnecessary govt. shutdown.  Preserved here on my lame blog as a historical curioso).
 

DAVID HARRIS: You know what, Jacob Bender? The thing that bothers me the most about the shutdown is that NASA's Mars Relocation Initiative is now stalled. I wonder how many people are going to be left behind on Earth during the Nemesis Event because of stupid Beltway politics!

• Maxwell Leland Dean: they have a mars relocation initiative?
• Jacob Bender: Not to mention all the Martian colonists who are now left without wifi! And just WHO will nuke the moon now, I ask you!
• Jacob Bender: Moreover, those raptor/shark hybrid super-soldiers ain't goin' to clone themselves! Who else will be able to withstand the quantum fluxes when the portal opens? Maybe CONGRESS should battle the multi-headed beast if they can't get their act together!
• David Harris: But the weather control system is still up, right? The Russ-Amero-Canuck Food Cartel needs to continue warming the globe to increase our total share of arable land, and to punish our mortal enemies, The Maldives and Macronesian Alliance!
• David Harris: Meanwhile, Kosovo has stationed peacekeeping troops in Yellowstone and Ellis Island. I guess we deserve that.
• David Harris: This just in: Due to Phantom Zone Prison budget cuts, the AntiChrist has escaped and is now running for Congress in his home district of Miami, Florida.
• Jacob A Trimble: And all I wanted was some sharks with friggin laser beams on their heads!
• Jacob Bender: The Antichrist?! You don't mean Dean Pelton! And we can't even recapture him since the Sentinels were destroyed by the X-men after they were deactivated during the last sequester!
• Jacob Bender: AND SG-1 is trapped in Andromeda due to the shutdown, and they're the only ones with the virus for the ID4 mothership! We would send in MacGyver, but apparently only congress gets paperclips anymore.
• Jacob Bender: This just in: Boehner last seen being dragged off by an angry mob just before CNN 's live feed went down during a bombing run by Rwandan peacekeepers. The ruins of Fox news has an unconfirmed report that Harry Ried was crucified on the Washington memorial. And though the camera phone footage is grainy, Obama was seen in a strangling match with McConnell a top the flaming capital rotunda, at least before YouTube's servers went down.
• David Harris: I am glad that the shutdown has halted the Irish Re-purposing Program. Jonathan Swift would not be proud.
• Keith Klemas: Master Chief will save us all. I know this with every fiber of my being.
• Ryan Nielsen ...and somewhere, a little boy with autism shakes and wistfully stares at a snow globe.
• Carrie Lamkin: ^^^ i just read keith's comment as "Master Chef" and that was just a WHOLE other thing.

    

  (On a side not, in case you wondered, David leans Libertarian, and is of the mind that if "Obamacare" is really so bad, then Republicans, rather than shoot their poll-numbers in the foot with these Congressional games of chicken, should just let Obamacare run and fail, and thus improve their chances of retaking the Senate and White House in 2016, at which point they can then repeal the ACA democratically.  I can get behind that.)

  (As for me, I'm more of a Leftie, and I consider that the Tea Party, by fanatically supporting measures that would leave the poor and pre-conditioned uninsured--not to mention leaves hundreds of thousands unemployed--have in effect declared that they are willing to let human beings die in order to maintain their ideological purity, much like Chairman Mao during the "Great Leap Forward" and Josef Stalin during the Ukrainian famines.  That is, the Tea Party are the very dictators they claim to hate--there's is only a difference of degree, not kind.  Jack Johnson was right: "We are only what we hate."  That is all.  Have a nice day!)