In Which It Appears Not Everything Is Better Wrapped in Bacon

Last night I ate at Tucano's for the first time; I didn't mean to. It was for a friend's birthday. The facebook invite read "meet at Tucano's at 7" and it didn't even register to me that Tucano's is the Brazilian restaurant where they charge hefty buffet prices for a bunch of servers to constantly wonder past your table with skewers full of meats in all varieties. I assumed it was some Mexican place and I'd just get a burrito or something.

So, this being my first time, I made several mistakes.

First: I ate a late lunch. When you're paying that much for a buffet for functionally unlimited amounts of meat, you should be starving. You shouldn't eat at all that day, really.

Second: I should've been drinking water all that day in preparation--both to expand the walls of my stomach (as professional hot-dog eaters do) only to pee it all out later, and also to ensure that you are not too thirsty when you do eat all that meat. If you drink a lot of water while eating, the water will just take the place of where all that meat should go.

Third: I should've eaten the lunch buffet discount; on average 35-40% cheaper.

Fourth: I should've brought a tupper-ware container and hid it discreetly on my lap, to save that unholy amount of meat for later. As well as to justify that price tag.

Fifth: I shouldn't have said "yes" to every single skewer that came by; I should've held out for all the more sumptuously marinated meats, which danced on my taste buds much more agreeably than some of the other less remarkable slabs of meat which clogged up my plate.

For example, chicken wrapped in bacon sounds good in theory, but it is far less appetizing in person. It appears that, indeed, not everything is better wrapped in bacon.

All in all, it is now the day after Tucano's, and I've barely eaten breakfast, because I'm mostly sure I won't need to eat again for another day. I feel like Homer Simpson in the Treehouse of Horror episode where he's sent to hell for his gluttony, and thus is forced to eat nothing but donuts incessantly. I feel like I'm being punished for my sins.

Except that Homer still ate all the donuts.