Taxman! And etc.

I actually paid a tax-preparer for the first time ever today; I didn't get nearly the same sized refund as my buddy who recommended me to her (he got higher tax-refund credits cause he was an undergrad, not a grad student like me--the federal govt. wants you educated, but not too educated, it seems--same with pell grants), but I'm still glad I paid her, cause it turns out the grant-writing company I worked for didn't withhold any taxes on my W-2.

Turns out I wasn't on with them as a contract employee, but as self-employed. Saves them money this way, apparently. When I think of all the 12-hour days, nights, and weekends I worked for them, without benefits, and then their abrupt radio-silence after the grant deadlines passed, all to leave me hanging on taxes...well...it irritates me a little.

But, the tax-preparer lady worked her magic and saved me, something I wouldn't have figured out on my own, so, no harm, no foul, I suppose.

The conversation with the tax-lady then turned to grant-writing itself, she asking me if that was something I'd be pursuing. I said that after my experiences grant-writing for the U (and self-employed as well, apparently), I have definitively crossed grant-writing off my list of things I'd like to spend the rest of my life doing.

You can't just write grants for the sake of writing grants, you see--you write grants for something, you understand me? I have a relative working in grant writing down at UVU, and he always cites how rewarding it is to see his grants help build up the disability-programs there. In other words, he doesn't write grants just as a job, no, he writes grants with a purpose. He doesn't write grants just to write grants. Grant-writing is not and cannot be an end unto itself.

She mentioned that it is similar with business--if you get a business degree just to do "business," she said, you're actually restricted. Business is clerical work, you see--finances, administration, etc, all necessary, don't get me wrong, but no one starts a business to do finance and administration. And moreover, a business cannot succeed if it is only "business." No, the "business" side of business is a means to an end--you must have product, and product comes from engineers, scientists, creative teams with critical-thinking skills. Businesses are only successful in as much as they are driven by non-business elements. Business can only be a means, not an end.

But let's leave behind the tired example of business--business-types erroneously assume that their field has some unique monopoly on needing creativity, hard-work, sacrifice, etc, to succeed--you need all those same qualities to be a successful jewel thief, drug-dealer, serial killer, military dictator, politician, athlete, lawyer, humanitarian aid-worker, school teacher, missionary, doctor, scientist, musician, artist, or writer. Hard-work and dedication no more sanctifies business than it does fascism--my time installing security systems (and being a self-employed grant writer, apparently) taught me that for sure.

And to return to writing--the most dedicated writer in the world cannot write just to write--we do not just sit down and start typing out fully-formed sentences fast as a secretary about whatev. No, even with our great love of the written word, there still must be something that impells us to write. Saying "I'm going to write a novel" makes about as much sense as "I'm going to write a grant"--what is your grant for? What is your novel about?